I'm so glad I know I'm messed up; and I know you are too

So, a couple of nights ago I struggled for a topic about which to write. (I know that sentence would sound better if I'd written, ". . . a topic to write about." But my mother is an English teacher so I get this unpleasant reaction in my psychosomatic nervous system any time I read a sentence that ends with a preposition. I also find it challenging to begin a sentence with a conjunction, but I just did; so please congratulate my bravery when you get a chance!) Well, I never did come up with something easy to write about, so I decided to check out some of my favorite writers. In doing so, I came across this little gem of a blog: http://www.windrumors.com/22/ellul-the-shack-and-theodicy/

In short, my boy Willie is talking about the idea of a Good God coexisting with Evil. He quotes a very thoughtful French dude named Jacques Ellul and then a musician with a funny name (See Willie's comment in the blog). Here's a part of what he lifted from Ellul:

"Man is so much the prey of the powers, so closely associated with their work, enjoys himself so thoroughly to their profit, desires so much all that they offer, conceives his life to such a degree separated from God, that every approach of God, every positive work of God, appears to him as an unacceptable disturbance and finally an attack against him. When God comes to deliver him, he does not at all perceive his liberation; he protests against the breaking of those marvelous objects, which are his chains or the doors of his prison: the adoored chains. This is clearly the situation of Man."

Indeed this is my situation. There are days . . . weeks . . . months . . . years when life just plain old sucks. But this is not Life. Pain is part of Life. And as I consider my Life, I can see and feel gut wrenching pain. Some of the pain comes from places I can't control, but much of it comes from my own poor choices. And when I choose to deny the pain, no matter the source, by hiding from it, I add pain upon pain.

I'm glad I've started to figure this "pain" thing out. I don't understand everything, but I began to have Joy when I stopped trying to run from pain. I guess that's when I started trying to be real. When I'm real, I can love and be loved for real. That's pretty cool!

Anyway, here's a poem I wrote a couple of years ago. I was trying to say what Ellul said, except I was acknowledging the difficulty associated with letting go of comfort to work my way through pain. And I don't think anybody can work their way through pain unless the recognize and accept that they are loved.

Choice to Make

Tormented. Chains binding.
Seeking Freedom, but not finding.

Tormented. Chains undone.
Seeing Freedom. Afraid to run.

Tormented. Chains calling.
Hearing Freedom. Jailward falling.

Tormented. Choice to make.
Chains adore or Chains forsake.

Tormented. Freedom waiting.
Seeing Freedom. Hesitating.

Tormented. Chains are known.
Feeling Freedom. Feeling alone.

Tormented. Here I stand.
Feet in Chains. Freedom at hand.

Tormented. Choice to make.
Freedom leave or Freedom take.